Learning to Breathe!
by McLovah
Summary: What will happen when Derek finds out an enormous truth about his wife? What will happen when Addison tries to run away? What will happen when Meredith finally decides to give in to Derek's happily ever after wish? I am pathetic at summaries! Merder!
1. Trying to Breathe

Trying to Breathe

Trying to Breathe

It was raining. It always rained in Seattle, especially at night. The clouds were closing up on the sky and the darkness prevailed everywhere. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there, soaking in the rain. He couldn't see anyone, couldn't hear anything. All he could think of was the deep excruciating pain he felt inside him. He was Derek Shepherd, Head of Neurosurgery department at Seattle Grace Hospital and one of the top surgeons in the country. The same Derek Shepherd who had been the subject of gossip for the past one year due to his so called 'fling' with the 'slutty intern' at the hospital. The same Derek Shepherd about whom no one ever thought that it wasn't a 'fling' with her that he actually fell in love with her, and then completely broke her. And today, the same Derek Shepherd was broken, and he was blinded with pain clenched inside him so intense he felt he couldn't breathe.

…………………………………………………………………………….

Meredith Grey lay in her bed, looking up at the ceiling. She could hear thunders outside and the sound of splattering rain. It hadn't been raining when she had come home, but that was more than three hours ago. Three hours ago, her life had changed. Three hours ago, she had felt she had stopped existing. She couldn't tell how she felt. She wondered whether she felt anything at all, but for the first time in her life, dark and twisted Meredith Grey smiled up at the ceiling even when she felt 'dark and twisty'; she remembered everything, so clearly and now she could see things in her future. Things she hadn't seen before and things that would finally lead her to her happily ever after. The happily ever after she saw with Derek Shepherd.

…………………………………………………………………………………

The airport was swarming with people. It seemed to be the most active hour of the day at the airport. More like the hospital, yet with people smiling rather than crying. The red-haired woman sat at a bench and looked around. She could feel people looking at her, giving her the 'looks'. It didn't matter anymore, nothing mattered anymore. She had fought enough, with life, with herself and with Derek. As Addison Montgomery stood up and started walking up towards the terminal, while wiping her eyes for the final time, she felt she saw the future. She saw the man in front of her whom she had come to love for all his mischief and nuisances. And placing her hands in his, she took a step forward, away from Seattle, away from the gossip, away from the 'slutty intern' and forever away from her ex-husband Derek Shepherd.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Three people. Three destinies. One night.

Whats in store for them now??

Read on to find out more…..!!


	2. The Chase: Overview

The Chase

As he sat down out in the rain, flashes of the past one year swept by. What a year it had been. Derek sighed.

…………………….

The girl at the bar. That was the first memory that came to him. The girl with dirty blonde hair and green eyes and who was drop dead drunk. The girl whose eyes shone when she smiled, and wrinkled at the ends. He was intrigued by her the moment he saw her. There was something about her, something mysterious that attracted him towards her, compelled him to sit next to her. He could never forget the day he met Meredith Grey.

What followed in the coming months was the best time of his life. Her rambling, her running away into the elevators, her 'tiny, ineffectual little fists', everything about her was so different. He fell for her instantly and never really came to know when he truly fell in love with her. She was an exceptional woman and he fell head over heels in love with her. Her queries about him, her deep interest in his life made him happy. The day she gave him her hand in front of the trailer with that smile on her face. He had never seen her this happy. And the day she told him about his mother. She had truly come to trust him and he loved her more for that.

And then Addison had come in. His 'dirty, adulterous' wife who had cheated on him with his best friend in his apartment, on his bed, on his favorite flannel sheets. She had come in and ruined everything. She still got the advantage of calling herself Mrs. Shepherd over Meredith. He was over Addison, long before she had cheated on him. He realized that he had married her when he was young and naïve and had not truly loved her. Addison was more of an infatuation than true love, pity he hadn't realized it before. He was trying to get over the loss of his dad when Addison had stepped in his life and had become the support stand he wanted. She was his best friend till the day she confessed her love to him and he had thought he loved her too. That was why he had married her in such a hurry, thinking he was done. The first few years were good, till the long tireless years of their residencies started. That was when things started getting worse.

He was absent and she wanted more. He was dedicated to his work, she had more of a social life. Their personality clashes raged into something bigger, into fights and quarrels to the point where they began to just have small talk. "hey, how was the surgery" "when will you go home" "did u have lunch" kind of talk. That was truly when his marriage started breaking and then Mark stepped in. He moved to New York after completing is residency in Connecticut and rolled back into Derek's life as his best friend, as his brother. There was no one Derek trusted more than Mark. Mark started hanging out with Addison; he had only met her on their wedding. He became good friends with Addison, which was good according to Derek, who thought he might be able to bridge the gaps they had in their relationship. What he did not know was that he would be the reason why their marriage would break.

Finding Addison in bed with Mark when he came home after the 10 hour long surgery that day totally blew his head. The vision could never leave him, of Addy and Mark practically in the throes on his bed. That was when Derek lost trust in human kind. He was broken from the insides and could not be repaired.

He had moved to Seattle and found Meredith. Meredith who brought a smile on his face, who was like fresh air to him. And then Addison had come. The look on Meredith's face when Addison introduced herself to her still haunted him. And then what had followed were months of tumultuous episodes. Addison trying to get back with him, him trying to appease Meredith and Meredith shunting him out of his life. And then Addison handing him the divorce papers. He wanted to sign them, he wanted to get rid of Addison so he could get back with Meredith. And then came the moment in the scrub room: _Pick me. Choose me. Love me._

Those words still echoed in his ears. All he wanted to do then was to take Meredith into his arms and tell him how much he wanted to pick her, choose her, love her. But he couldn't. He had taken marriage vows with Addison; he wanted to stick by them. And Addison was really trying. He wanted himself to believe that he did give his marriage a chance. And he had chosen her.

He knew Meredith wouldn't believe him again. Yet she was as surprising as ever when she agreed to be his friend. The tiny ray of hope that they could reconcile one day vanished when he found Meredith in Finn's apartment that day, with his shirt on. The pain he felt at seeing her there was above everything else; it stabbed him right in the heart. He was filled with anger so intense he wanted to kill Finn, and yet he couldn't figure out why he felt so angry. He was married for goddamn's sake. He had a wife. He didn't have a right to be angry at Meredith. Meredith had a right to live her life.

Then there was the prom night, a few days ago. Seeing Meredith in Finn's arms as they danced killed him inside. He could never ever bear to see Meredith in someone else's arms. She was only his, and nobody had the right to touch her, to be a part of her life except Derek. This is all he felt as he made love to her on the table in the exam room. That was the best time to express his love; he made her feel his love all he could. He wanted her to feel how much he loved her, how important she was for him and how she would always remain in his heart.

………………………………………………….

That night, Meredith came up to him in his office where he was lying down. He still remembered the words she said clearly. She hadn't talked to him after the prom night. He had just come out of a 5 hour surgery. It was night time and the hospital was quite. He went straight to his office and sat down on the sofa with his head in his hands. He had taken the decision of what he wanted and he was going to do it this time. Nothing could stop him now: no obligation, no sense of responsibility. As soon as he put the pen down after signing, the door opened and Meredith stepped in.

He looked up to see her in her scrubs, with her hair tied up high on her head and dark circles under her eyes. Her eyes sparkled. She was panting with breath and as she came nearer, Derek stood up.

"Hey…", Meredith said, trying to catch his breath.

"Hey there…" Derek smiled at her.

There was moment of silence as Derek looked at her and Meredith looked down, tangling her fingers around her hair.

"I…umm….I..I saw you coming up here…and…and I thought…I thought I should come up here…because….because I think we should talk, I mean which I know seems weird coming from me as I generally run away from conversations but we really need to talk and I saw you come up here so I thought I should come up here as we should…talk. Yeah." Meredith stopped and looked at Derek's amused look. " What??"

"You are rambling" Derek said with a smile.

"Oh. Oh yeah. I am…I mean, its not that I am confused or nervous or anything. It's just that…" Meredith started off again

"Meredith. Meredith…." Derek interrupted.

"What Derek?"

"I understand. We need to talk. But for that we need to sit down. You look tired. You need something. Coffee??" he said as he headed to the coffee machine

"yeah" Meredith said, as she sat down and looked at the papers on the table.

Meredith picked up the papers and shock registered on her face.

"Derek!"

"Yep. What is it?" Derek said as he made the coffee.

"What is this?"

Derek turned around to see Meredith standing up, holding his divorce papers that he had just signed.

"Umm…Meredith…" he didn't know what to say.

"You divorced Addison?" she said with shock.

Derek sighed, put down the cup he was holding and came and stood in front of Meredith.

"Yes. Yes I did. I divorced Addison. Simple as that".

"But…but why? I thought you guys were working it out. I thought you…."

"No Meredith. We couldn't work it out. We tried, but we couldn't. I cannot lie to her any more, we aren't the same people. And I couldn't stop loving you, I couldn't stop thinking about you and I don't want to cheat on Addison. So I divorced her. " Derek said as he folded his arms on his chest.

"Oh. Oh okay. I mean….oh..."

"Meredith. You are freaking out"

"No I am not...Oh well…yes I am. It's just that, this is so unexpected. I thought you guys were…but…ummm…does this have anything to do with the prom night?" she finally asked, looking him straight in the eye.

"Yes. Yes it does."

"Oh!"

"Meredith. Meredith, look at me plz".

Meredith looked up at him as he put his arms on her shoulders.

"This has nothing to do with you. It's not your fault. It's me. I could never stop loving you. I lied to you, to Addison and to myself. I could never forget you. You were always there, I saw you wherever I went. I wanted you around all the time. Remember when I said we could be friends? That was also an attempt to keep you in my life. The other night, at the prom, when I saw you in Finn's arms, I thought I would die of the pain. I couldn't bear to see you with him. I thought I was over you, but I wasn't and that was proved when we made love in the exam room. It emphasized our relationship, our love. We can never be apart. That's what it proved. And I can never stop loving you. And I can not cheat on Addison. I can not lie to her anymore, not lie to you, and not lie to myself so I divorced her. That's it"

Meredith kept looking at him as Derek drew her closer to himself.

"I love you Meredith. I don't expect you to come back to me, but I don't expect myself to live without you either. So this time, today, I say those words you said to me months ago. I know Finn's a wonderful guy and can keep you happy. But I love you Meredith, in a big never being able to forget about you, letting you sleep on my side of the bed and eating my favorite marshmallows in my hot chocolate kind of a way. I know this is stupid and you still might choose Finn over me, but Meredith I love you. And I will keep loving you till my last breath. So pick me, choose me, and love me Meredith."

Meredith saw tears in Derek's eyes as he beseeched her. And tears came to her eyes as well. He was her Derek, the Derek who was her support stand, the Derek who never cried. She knew they had problems, she knew they had fights, but she couldn't lie without him either.

He looked into her eyes as she looked back. And then she whispered something.

"I broke up with Finn a few hours ago. That's what I came to tell you."

A look of surprise came on Derek's face as he looked at her. She looked back. There was something in his eyes. Love, compassion, gratefulness. He extended his arms and she rushed into them. He tightly embraced her tiny frame as close to his body as he could and wrapped his face in her hair. She tightly enclosed her arms around his neck, and felt him break down. He was crying, practically sobbing on her shoulder and she cried too. They didn't know how long they stayed like that. All the emotions they both had felt for such a long time and hidden from each other, all that they had wanted to say and hadn't been able to. All that was felt, all that was said. The moment completely bonded them together emotionally forever.

Derek didn't want to move, he wanted to stay like this forever, in her arms, smelling her lavender scented hair. And she wanted to stay like this too, in his arms, with his head on her shoulder and her arms around his neck.

Derek moved slightly away from her and looked at her. She took her hands to his face and wiped his face, and then wiped away hers. He saw before him the young, beautiful woman he loved from the bottom of his heart. He put a strand of hair behind her ear. Her arms were still around his neck and his were around her waist.

"Thank you Meredith. Thank you for choosing me. I won't let you down this time, I promise." He said

She nodded and smiled at him.

"We will make this work this time, right Derek?" she said with hope in her voice.

"We will. We will Meredith."

They both smiled at each other. And then Derek kissed her. It was a slow, beautiful kiss, like they'd do it every day for the rest of their lives. It felt so good to touch her lips again, the feeling they gave him were of true love and compassion. At that moment, he promised himself never to hurt her again. The kiss got deeper and the deep passion of their love overcame as Derek started kissing her on her neck, on the deep hollow between her neck and her bone and slowly they faded into the deep pool of darkness. She moaned wit pleasure as he did too, and there, right in his office, they made love unlike any they had ever made. It was even better than the prom, slow, gentle and meaningful. It was like the strengthening of a bond they had just made, to be cherished forever.

AN: Okay, I know this part was wayyyyyyy too long. Actually I tried to cover all the feelings and emotions Derek had at all those times. And for those who still don't understand, it's a continuation from season 2. I just felt Derek is never justified. So will Meredith and Derek really work this out this time? How will Addison feel about the divorce? All updated in the next part. Reviews are highly appreciated, btw.


	3. Step by Step

Step by Step

Step by Step

Meredith woke up with a start. She didn't know why she woke up until she saw the source ringing right in front of her. It was her pager. She quickly sat up and looked around to find herself on the sofa in Derek's office. She read her pager, which said the name which brought a smile on her face. _Derek._ She knew it wasn't anything important, it wasn't a 911. Just then she got a message on her cell phone that lay next to the beeper. She picked it up and saw 1 new message. She knew who it would be before even opening it. It was Derek.

"_Just paged you to wake you up. Can't come up, am with Chief in a meeting. Thought of waking you up, Bailey's looking for you. See you at your place tonight. Take care"._

She smiled and then yawned. She didn't know how long she had slept, all she remembered was the conversation they had had and then how Derek had held her, kissed her and made love to her. She felt in love, she felt happy and satisfied. This was how things were supposed to be. She knew he wouldn't hurt him again. She just knew it. She stood up and walked around his office. She saw his divorce papers lying on the table, and she felt instantly bad for Addison. But then she thought of how much Addison had hurt Derek and all her pitying feelings went away.

She turned around to see her scrub shirt lying on the floor. She picked them up and was just about to change when the door opened. And Addison walked in.

"Derek I have been….Oh!!" Addison said as she saw that it wasn't Derek but Meredith in the office.

Meredith opened her mouth to say something and then saw Addison staring at her. She looked down at herself and then back at Addison. Crap.

She was wearing Derek's over-large shirt and her scrubs were in her hands. She was wearing her scrubs trouser, but not the shirt. And Addison noticed it. She also noticed Meredith's swollen lips and her disheveled hair. And above all, she saw Meredith's panties lying on the floor. And she knew. Crap.

"Ummm….Addison…Derek is not here." Meredith gulped.

"Clearly. May I know what you are doing in my husband's office, Meredith?" She replied in a clipped, stern kind of a way.

"Addison….I…I am clearly not the best person to tell you about it. You should talk to Derek. I have to go, Dr.Bailey's looking for me…and I am…I am sorry about this…I am!" She made to go out of the room but Addison caught her by her arm.

"Wait. First change into your scrubs. I don't want you running around the hospital in my husband's shirt." She scoffed and then went out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Meredith sighed. Crap.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Meredith ran to the nurse station where all the interns were standing, waiting for Dr Bailey. It was 5 am, time for rounds.

"Where the hell have you been? I have been looking for you all over the place". Cristina asked.

"I have been here. Right here." Meredith replied back, tying her hair.

"Oh God. What did you do??" Cristina asked.

"Nothing. I did not do anything." Meredith smiled back.

Izzie nudged her from the back. "Meredith!"

Meredith turned to look at her "what??"

"You have…ummm….you have something on your neck. Around the ear." She tried hard not to laugh as Alex and George peeked around her neck, and so did Cristina.

And they all burst out laughing.

"What??" Meredith asked in anxiety.

"Oh God. You slept with McDreamy!!" Cristina said kind of elated.

"How did you…nooo…no I did not…I did not sleep with Derek!"

"Then why do you have a hickey on your neck" Cristina scoffed back as Meredith's mouth dropped open.

She quickly opened her hair and let them fall around her so that no one would notice.

"Dude. Seriously. You guys should get a hotel room. Doing it all over the hospital" Alex said.

"Oh really Alex, I don't think sleeping with a nurse in the on call room counts" Izzie shot back, as Meredith laughed.

Just then Dr Bailey came around.

"Okay people, let's get going." She said as they all set off to do the rounds.

The first patient they had was a young 6 year old girl, named Charlotte. Her parents were standing next to her, worried.

"Okay. Who's reporting" Bailey asked.

"I am, Dr Bailey" Meredith replied. Just then Derek walked in. He swept past her, their shoulders slightly touching. He stood next to her and looked down at, giving her a quick smile. She looked down and smiled, as Cristina took in this slight response.

"Okay, what we got in here?" Derek asked.

"Charlotte Livingston aged 6. She was brought in yesterday by her parents who were worried about her over reaction towards touching and was admitted. B.p. and heart beat are stable."

"Okay. What's the diagnosis?" Derek asked her, looking straight into her eyes.

" It can be tactile defensiveness, which is a form of SPD."

"What…what's that?"Mrs. Livingston asked nervously.

"Well, Mrs. Livingston, it's a disease in which a normal touch can be interpreted as a 'flight or fight' reaction. It's a disorder of the touch, which is basically associated with the nerves. Don't worry, I will be able to cure your daughter, though without surgery."

Everyone looked at him with surprise.

"Without surgery?" Meredith asked.

"Yes. We will talk to you about all the options once all the test results are in, Mr. Livingston. I will meet up with you with Dr.Grey in here later on to discuss the options. Okay?"

The parents nodded, as Derek looked at Bailey.

"I assume I can put Dr. Grey on this case, right Dr Bailey?"

"She's all yours for this case, Dr. Shepherd", Bailey said, frowning as she headed out with the other interns. Meredith and Derek filed out of the room.

When everyone was out of site, Meredith dragged Derek to a nearby on call room

"You can't do that!" Meredith looked up at him.

"What? What can't I do?" Derek asked, reading Charlotte's chart.

"You can not take me for all the cases. Bailey will know, everyone will know"

"Everyone will come to know one day Meredith. Oh and by the way, this is a teaching hospital. I am here to teach you, you are my student." He winked at her, smiling.

"Whatever. You better have a good excuse for why you left me in your office alone, because Addison showed up! And I had to face her alone. Tell her soon Derek, I can't do this. I can't face her in your office wearing your shirt when you are still married to her" She replied anxiously.

Derek smiled down at her and leaned in for a quick kiss. "I am not technically married to her. I divorced her, remember"

Meredith drew back. "She still called you 'her husband'. And I am the 'slutty intern' again. Tell her soon Derek"

"I will. I will tell her today. I promise" Derek kissed her again.

Meredith gave in and kissed him back. "Okay…"

Then suddenly she withdrew again. "We can't be doing this right now!"

"Why not? I like the kissing. In the on call room. I like it. More of it, I say" He winked at her, laughing.

"I do, too. But Dr Bailey would be looking for me. Oh and everyone got to know we had sex before!"

"How did they get to know" he asked curiously.

"Oh. Because of this." She raised her hair to show him the hickey.

"Oh…Oh!!" He remained quiet for a moment, then burst out laughing.

"Seriously? Seriously. You are laughing? I have got a hickey. Which I have to hide. Because of you I got the hickey. And you are laughing. Seriously?" She replied loudly.

Derek laughed hard, then suddenly he embraced her and hugged her tight. Meredith gave in, surprised and she started laughing too.

"You are so cute when you ramble. And when you get angry. I really like you this way!" Derek said into her hair.

She drew back, and then kissed him slowly on the lips. He moaned against her. As the kiss got deeper, she withdrew.

"I really have to go now. See you later." She said, as she exited the room.

Derek saw her go and smiled to himself. He was having such a good day and he wanted it to last. He wanted to see Meredith happy like this every day, and he promised himself he would make her happy like this. Every day of her life.

AN: Okay ppl…how was it?? Long, I know. Will update soon. Reviews appreciated. Everyone who commented, thanks people!!


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